Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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