what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
