The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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