My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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