I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
only if we run a train.
done.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
two words...techno handjob
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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