carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
