TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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