So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
