My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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