im holly from the hills drunk
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
