I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
