I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
