I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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