I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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