I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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