I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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