I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
