Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
