im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
