just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
