wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
