The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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