Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I smell stomach acid.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
