3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
