Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
