I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
