just tell him i said nine months
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
