Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
