i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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