Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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