Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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