right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
