I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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