Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
