i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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