you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
