Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
