I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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