what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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