why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
