Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
