Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
