how can u be prego again
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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