Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
