to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
