i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
