Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
