The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
