I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
