I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
